Harold Phifer’s My Bully, My Aunt, and Her Final Gift is a refreshingly honest, darkly humorous, and unexpectedly heartfelt memoir that masterfully balances comedy and introspection. With sharp wit and a candid narrative style, Phifer takes readers on a journey through his complicated past, shaped by the formidable presence of his Aunt Kathy — a woman who left an undeniable mark on his life, for better or worse.
In this Q&A, we talk with author Harold Phifer about detailing difficult personal experiences, balancing humor and heart, and shifting gears in his writing career.
In a personal memoir, there’s nowhere to hide from the more painful moments of your past. What was it like to write such a personal account of your experiences, in order to properly share your story? Was it difficult, or did it come naturally?
It was definitely difficult in the sense of reopening old wounds! But it was so natural because it was such a common occurrence.
Multiple reviewers (us included!) have commended your ability to balance comedy and pathos. How did you approach writing both aspects of the story without letting one overtake the other?
No doubt I wanted to touch on the psychosis of it all, but a lot of it was so despicably funny. So, I leaned more toward the humor than the unexplainable hurt.
Among other topics, this book tackles the thorny conversation of how organized religion can be liable to excusing and emboldening negative behavior among its followers. Was this something you went into the book intending to discuss?
No doubt I did! I saw people (my aunt and other relatives) put a lot of devotion into religion, but they were the most evil and unrelenting people I knew!
Did your relationship with your late aunt posthumously change throughout your time writing this memoir? Did putting your experiences into words at all change or recontextualize the way you thought about them?
No! Nothing changed except I didn’t want the story to turn to more to my bitterness and overlook the zaniness I was under.
What advice would you give the other Hal’s of the world, who may be in an earlier stage of your own story? What can they take away from your book?
Don’t stress yourself looking for logic. Just go with it and trust that your experience isn’t a judgment on you or your sanity.
Do you think you have another memoir in you? Or is there another type of book you’d like to write?
I think I could write another memoir, but I’m sure my readers are tapped out by now. So, mentally and artistically, I should move on. I am planning a book about my Contract career. That’s something very different than personal drama.
My Bully, My Aunt, and Her Final Gift is available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Bookshop.
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About the Author:
Harold Phifer was born in the rebellious South of Columbus, Mississippi. As a kid, he worked the streets, hustled the neighbors, and bus tables at bars he didn’t belong in. After walking the stage at Caldwell High School, he went own to graduate from Mississippi State and Jackson State Universities respectively. Then he started his career as an Air Traffic Controller in Memphis, Tennessee. However, he was never at peace with himself.
So, after 23 years, he left the United States and took a job as an International Contractor. Working with soldiers gave him a sense of duty and purpose. However, it all came with a price and experiences he wasn’t prepared for. As luck would have it, he got expelled out of Iraq due to the U S Military Drawdown in October 2011. Later, he resurfaced in Afghanistan for 8 additional years as a mercenary. But unfortunately, he was forced to leave that country after The Taliban takeover in August 2021. After escaping with his life, he took a position under the safety of Guantanamo Bay Naval base. Here, he wrote more books and continued to work as an Air Traffic Controller. So, in 2024, he left Cuba on his own accord then returned to the Middle East. Meantimes, he’s still creating stories about adventure, love, life and the human spirit.