It took 13 years for James Cameron to make Avatar: The Way of Water. It only took me six months to find Avatar: The Way of Water cereal. So the way I see it, I’m actually ahead of schedule.
“Pandora Flakes,” as the box calls them, were introduced last year during the frenzy of hype surrounding the long-awaited Avatar sequel. For whatever reason, I never saw them in any of my local grocery stores during The Way of Water’s theatrical release. But last weekend, I popped my head into a dollar store that was going out of business, and wouldn’t you know it? There, amongst the discounted soaps and knockoff toys, was a few boxes of Pandora Flakes (of Corn). Best of all: They were marked down to $1.99.
Two bucks for Avatar cereal that won’t technically expire for three more months? How could I not try them?
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After all, for reasons I cannot even attempt to explain, I consider it my sworn professional duty to try any and all movie-inspired tie-in food. This started as a joke almost ten years ago now, and has evolved into a full-blown professional beat (not to mention an ongoing threat to my long-term physical health). If you make a movie, and then a fast casual restaurant makes green pancakes, or a semi-potable juice drink, or an unholy combination of a pizza and a calzone out of said movie, I will be there.
And so today I traveled — spiritually, via Kellogg’s breakfast cereal, if not literally — to Pandora, to sample the local alien cuisine. Which, it turns out, is a standard box of Frosted Flakes (of Corn) with additional “Blueberry Flavored Blue Moons.” Somewhat alarmingly, the box claims that it is “Naturally Flavored With Other Natural Flavors. Why doesn’t calling it “Naturally Flavored” cover all natural flavors? Why repeat the words “natural flavors” twice? I’m honestly a little afraid to find out, lest I chicken out and decide not to put this rapidly decaying cereal into my body.
Just looking at this product, it’s clear this is a low-effort movie tie-in; they didn’t even color the standard Frosted Flakes (of Corn) blue; they just mixed in some blueberry moon pieces and called it a day. They had 13 years between Avatar and Avatar: The Way of Water to engineer a true Pandoran breakfast food. Surely Jake Sully and his family eat much more exotic cereal than this.
As for the taste, well, I documented my first bites of Pandora Flakes on Instagram, for the whole world (and Pandora) to enjoy:
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Years ago, I wrote a history of movie-related breakfast cereals, from C-3PO’s to Ice Age: Continental Drift Cinnamon Cereal. Pandora Flakes would certainly not rate amongst the finest achievements of this niche culinary sub-category. (They’re no E.T. Cereal, that’s for darn sure.) But at least as of this writing, I’m not violently ill and my skin hasn’t turned blue. So that’s a win in my book.
Next time: I say Kellogg’s should go weirder. Instead of just adding new pieces to an existing cereal, they should make something totally bizarre. This is supposedly a cereal from an alien planet! They would not eat frosted flakes (of corn) on Pandora; they have no corn! So go for broke. How about breakfast pasta? Why not make cereal that’s flavored with Tulkun brain juice? Or cereal with the milk already packaged inside? Do something wildly outside of the box. And then keep getting weirder and weirder with new flavors every year between now and 2031 when Avatar 5 will supposedly be released.
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