Step through the vellum veil, darling … Book World’s most notorious hostess is back! Aunt Libra, patron saint of punctuation disputes and keeper of Romancelandia’s juiciest secrets, is finally ready to talk. From scandalous family lore to dinner parties that nearly summoned the apocalypse, this literary legend is about to spill the entire inkpot.
We’ve heard whispers that your family tree might include poets, fortune tellers and at least one scandalous countess. Care to set the record straight, or make it even juicer? Speaking of your background, I can’t help but wonder what kind of childhood shaped someone like you. Were you the precocious child alphabetizing the family bookshelf, or the one sneaking champagne into literature class?
Darling! It’s divine to see you here in my papery abode. I hope you had no trouble on the ferry to Romancelandia. Ismael is a divine sailor but he’s never been the same since the Pequod.
Where to start, where to start? Well, my parents, as you probably know, were Erato, the muse of love poetry, and the Gutenberg printing press. Young people today complain about elders texting in all caps. They have no idea. Papá, when he was in a mood, could be all upper case for days.
I had the typical childhood. Tussling with my siblings, frolicking between the bindings, sneaking out of primers, going on youthful adventures. Book World wasn’t nearly as big back then — mostly the monasteries on the Ecclesiastical foothills and Chaucer’s village of Kent. The sibs and I had to find our own joy. You can’t imagine our delight when we spied the first pioneering settlement in Romancelandia in, oh, about 1473. What would we have done without William Caxton and his brilliant idea of translating a French romance? You must know that it was Mamá who convinced Papá to make it the first printed book in English. He never could tell her no. Why else would they have printed so many children?
That certainly paints a picture, though I suspect the term “typical childhood” means something very different in your family. I can only imagine what family dinners were like. Speaking of dinner, if you could host your own dinner party with five guests, who would be getting an invite and who would be snubbed?
What a delightful question! I have, in fact, hosted many a dinner party such as you describe, although inter-genre guest matching is always tricky. One does not invite Dorian Grey and Mr. Darcy to the same supper. However, I did host a delightful luncheon with Holden Caufield and Huckleberry Finn. Instant chemistry!
Back to your question about dinner parties. I do like lively conversation, but I draw the line at guests who toss invectives and splice commas. Next thing you know, there’s a food fight and Jeeves will leave me if he has to clean expletives off the wall of the blue dining room one more time. Just between us, Scarlett O’Hara is a terrible offender. Ditto Sauron. You’d think a sorcerer would know better.
On the other hand, Gandalf is quite delightful. He really does look like that human actor, Sir Ian McKellan, you know. I think I would invite him and Colonel Brandon from Sense and Sensibility. Brandon is a good listener and Gandy can spin quite a yarn. Then perhaps my dear Ms. Frizzle. Such fun to see science take on sorcery. And I’ve always wanted to introduce the Frizz to Ann of Green Gables. After all, they’re both educators and they might spark. And for my fifth, I would need someone who bridges these personalities, so perhaps the Lorax? Protecting the Truffula trees is exhausting and the poor dear could do with a good dinner and a night out.
Shall I share with you my most disastrous dinner party? It was my own fault. It was Samhain and I wanted to do something thematic. I thought it would be fun to invite the devil and Daniel Webster. Yes, I know. What was I thinking? That particular devil had a gentlemanly veneer, so all might have been well if I hadn’t taken things a little too far and also invited Lestat de Lioncourt, Buffy, and President Jedidiah Bartlett. Let it be a lesson to you: never mix politicians with the supernatural. It’s an unworldly combination. I understand they’re still talking about it in Hell.
Remind me never to RSVP without hazard pay! Knowing that you can handle hosting literary luminaries and demonic dignitaries, you clearly have a gift for managing personalities. Is that what makes you such a natural at giving advice? It seems only you would be capable of herding characters, chaos and commas into some sort of harmony!
Oh, my little book lover, how I wish! I fear that my fetes at times have devolved into a bit of chaos, although there’s no harm done. Mostly.
As far as Auntie sharing her wit and wisdom, well, you can say I’ve been around a while. My younger brother, Uncle Thesaurus, likes to say that I’ve frolicked through the ages and pages long enough to build a synonym collection of my own. He’s jealous, envious and covetous, of course. But it does give you an idea of how long I’ve been around.
Also, my family is famous for their elucidation. (Such a lovely word, with its hint of light.) Everyone knows my brothers, Uncle Webster and Uncle Oxford, and my nephews Strunk & White. Why advising people is in my ink! At the same time, I take after dear Mamá, whom I’ve already mentioned. This is why I am here for all of my little booklings as they navigate the tides of romance.
It’s no wonder your advice sounds like it’s been proofread by the muses. I see wisdom really does run in the family! I’d pay good money to see a holiday dinner with Uncle Oxford and Strunk & White. While we’re on the topic of lively debates, what are your thoughts on today’s literary scene? Are modern readers as much fun as they used to be?
I’m afraid I’m not conversant in the ways of the three-dimensional, but Auntie has opinions on today’s denizens in Book World, especially the youngsters who were created in recent years.
First, why so many dragons? The kingdom of Romantasy is teeming with them — big dragons, little dragons, shapeshifting dragons, although some of the latter live in Romancelandia. They really are dears, but there is only so much literary livestock to go around when they get peckish.
The shores of Literary Fiction are a little more sedate. I’ve crossed paths with lovely booklings there in recent years. Alex Claremont-Diaz is an absolute delight. He and his beloved Prince Henry escorted me during Pride this year. William Henry Deveraux Jr. from Nobody’s Fool has been a topnotch partner during Trivia Night at Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon. I’ve hired Josef and Sammy a time or two to dazzle guests with illusions during my Midsummer Night’s Masquerade. Kavalier and Clay never disappoint. And I can’t say enough good things about dear Liesel Meminger of Book Thief fame.
You’ve given us dragons, dinner parties, muses and mayhem. Before we let you flit away on your next grand escapade, Aunt Libra, what final decree would you like to leave us with? Do you have a final mantra for living boldly between the pages?
Of course, darling! I would never leave a reader unsatisfied. I am, as always, an open book; a being of thoughts and dreams made real through the magic of type.
Here is the motto I live by: Books are a banquet and most people are on a starvation diet. Indulging will feed your imagination, your inspiration, and even your soul. And if you just happen to fall in love with a book, Aunt Libra will be here to help you find your way.